Month: January 2016

TV Tan – sheet

Posted on by RPO GUV

Tv Tan

Last night I sat and tried to watch something on TV, even with 200+ channels there was nothing on.

Reality bollocks, don’t get ripped off nonsense, I’ve got 20 kids a big telly big house but no food for my big belly documentary. Believe me, there was nothing. It’s either doom and gloom or yet another celebrity does shit to look a twonk to challenge their sense of impotence, I mean importance.

When I was growing up all I heard from most adults was how good it was in their day, how youngsters spend too long in front of the TV, beer was cheaper blah blah blah. Problem is I’m turning into them!

There is hardly any originality to British Tv. If BBC have a detective drama set in the 1800s then ITV will have a poor imitation and vice a versa.

Young Ones, Black Adder, Alas Smith and Jones, Harry Enfield, Fools and Horses, Dads Army. Then not so long ago Brass Eye, Drop the Dead Donkey, Red Dwarf,

I know we have modern classics like Luther, Sherlock, Morse/Endeavour bug where is the comedy – Little Britain had moments but ran out of ideas, Dr Who’s ginger side kick was awful and don’t get me started on the moose Miranda.

X-factor, The Voice, Britains Got Talent, I’m a Celebrity, Big Brother, The Apprentice, Masterchef, Bake Off, The Pottery one, The Painting one. All turgid formulaic cack we all suck up, as socially we are told to via our electronic thought dictators – better be up on the latest trend or you’ll miss out! How else will you be able to update your status, join in on a hashtag shit fest????

Gold. Even that has had more re-runs than the great escape.

All the money that is pumped into making these programmes, surely there is some real talent out there that can shake up this over plastic false flakey ‘entertainment’ and no I don’t want to vote for it, I want the TV world to take some risks. I want to be surprised and made to want to tune in.

Blacksails is due a return and a review I will give – let’s hope it saves some face for the to world as well as Nassau!

What’s your onions?

RPOS GUV
X

Hateful Eight – Tarantino bore off?

Posted on by RPO GUV

“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the
inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in
the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of
darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost
children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious
anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know
my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”

Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown. Classics. Bar raisers, the inspiration for a million writers, directors, actors. Different genres written with deft skills, performed by newbies, oldies, comeback kids all been glued by cracking soundtracks.

Tarantino has consistently proved a master of the twist, the funny in a world of violence, irony in taboo verbiage  and the vision to shoot the spectacular.

Westerns have proved popular and to be honest a fucking brilliant era for Quentin – Django Unchained (the D is silent) so the Hateful Eight with go to monologue man Samuel L Jackson on board, Kurt Russell the come back kid plus some actors you don’t expect (Channing Tatum). It is set up to be another classic. But sadly no.

Yes, it’s shot beautifully, yes there are pointers to a twist somewhere and of course there is violonceagogo plus the language to match.

Set six or eight or twelve years after the Civil War, a stagecoach hurtles through the wintry Wyoming landscape. The passengers, bounty hunter John Ruth (Kurt Russell) and his fugitive Daisy Domergue, race towards the town of Red Rock where Ruth will bring Domergue to justice. Along the road, they encounter two strangers: Major Marquis Warren (Samuel L Jackson), a black former union soldier turned infamous bounty hunter, and Chris Mannix (Walon Goggins), a southern renegade who claims to be the town’s new Sheriff. Losing their lead on the blizzard, Ruth, Domergue, Warren and Mannix seek refuge at Minnie’s Haberdashery, a stagecoach stopover on a mountain pass. When they arrive at Minnie’s, they are greeted not by the proprietor but by four unfamiliar faces. Bob, who’s taking care of Minnie’s while she’s visiting her mother, is holed up with Oswaldo Mobray, the hangman of Red Rock, cow-puncher Joe Gage (Madsen), and Confederate General Sanford Smithers. As the storm overtakes the mountainside stopover, the 8 characters are left to make friends and enemies alike.

To be honest it really drags. Unlike Tarantino’s previous offerings this doesn’t build, the tension isn’t there and only when Jackson starts monologuing do we start to see any of Tarantino’s trademark skill. You know there’s a twist but don’t know how or where it’s coming.

So, the last 30 minutes saves this initial bore fest in a brilliant Tarantino way. I don’t have to say anymore, it’s just brilliant if you can get past the first 90 minutes of what could have been packed into maybe 45.

So, time aside, it’s very cool, it’s excellently written, the go to actors that dip in and out of his films are solid, funny, unexpected.

No, there is no twist like From Dusk to Dawn, however there is a fucking brilliant shoot out that Ronnie Kray would definitely loved to have been a part of.

Go see it or wait for Sky but perhaps skip the first 90 minutes then get blown away.

 

https://youtu.be/gnRbXn4-Yis

 

Whats you Onions?

RPOS Guv X

 

 

 

The Revenant – Irrelevant

Posted on by RPO GUV

Leonardo Di Caprio has been in some of the best and some of the not so best movies in his long career.

From the highs of Wolf of Wall Street to the lows of Romeo and Juliet, Leo has never failed to entertain at least. Be it backpacking to piloting, a french king to an undercover cop, Leo has always held the screen, the plot together with his presence – see his epic portrayal in Django Unchained or indeed The Departed.

Trouble is his latest movie is just total shite. It’s two and half hours of absolute dirge, the characters are crap, the story is crap and it’s about two hours too long.

I am not going to load any spoilers here – unlike the fucking trailers nowadays that give away just about any surprises you may want to find in the actual movie – but it starts with him and his boy part of a hunting group in 1823 America.

Stuff happens that causes Leo to be separated from the group and we now go through him surviving in the wilderness until he gets back into civilization and takes his revenge on those who wronged him.

Tom Hardy (Legend/MadMax/LayerCake/Batman/RocknRolla/PeakyBlinders) is in this and his, say, thirty minutes tops is fantastic but not enough to assist this from being bloody awful.

Its’s slow, it’s director indulgent, it’s so bloomin obvious how it will end it is just not worth watching. Avoid it. Completely.

Leo, Tom, I am sorry but this is total toilet. I just hope you were paid well!

For an example of how good their movies are usually check the following.

Leo

 

Tom

Whats your Onions?

RPOS GUV X